Later Doll (a winter soldier fanfiction)

Chapter 3: when life ends...

The hallway was light with silhouettes of men guarding the laboratory, I slipped into the building with ease and walked along the wall of the corridor, making sure I didn happen upon anyone. I was in some sort of laboratory and test facility, the long corridors were burdened with an eerie feeling, letting my hand move down my body as the leather clothed my body tightly; my hair tightened around my head and my mask was hot on my face.

I turned the corner to find two guards just making the corner, in a swift moment, I grabbed the one around his neck, squeezing, while the other began to stab himself in his chest over and over again with a face lack of emotions, I turned back to the man who I had by the neck, between my fingers his flesh began to melt from his body, I stepped back and stepped over the pebbled as I rubbed my gloved hands over my suit.

The corridor turned to rolls and rolls of cells, cages with glass walls, each filled with different animals, people and some objects, I came to the end of the cells, I looked left then right when I heard:

a big bang, I turned to see a man sitting in the corner, his broad shoulders slumped against the wall he sat against, his deep chocolate skin was pale in grey, his eyes red with strain ”that way ” he pointed to the left and I nodded walking towards to the left.

Down a corridor towards the Lab with a deep smile on my face…Tam…Tam…Tam.

”Tam ” Steve appeared in front of me, his light blue eyes studied my face as I just smiled and made space on the street bench ”you ok? ” He asked softly.

I nodded as he sat down next to me but not too close ”I am ok, just a lot of stuff on my mind ” I murmured as he nodded softly.

”How is Mr Johnson? How is he coping? ” He eyed me up and down, trying to read my response. ”You need anything, anything at all ”

I shook my head immediately ”No, no, We are ok, don worry ” I smiled sadly looking at my hands, hoping Steve will believe my strutted words.

He hummed softly ”you quit the diner ” he started and I looked down at my feet.

”Yeah, I got something better this side of the world ” I let out a nervous chuckle. ”Please don tell Bucky ” I whispered the last part like it was worth it.

I could hear Steves smile as I didn dare to look at him ” I think hell notice, we only went to the diner because of you ” he said as I nodded, there was a soft pause, and I began to play with my skirt ”he is well, still sad as hell but you know, how he is, pretending like you didn mean the world to him ” Steve said while I stared at my wedge heels ”what happened? ” Even though I knew he knew what happened, Bucky tells him everything.

I looked up at him ” he found out about Pa ” I put my face in my hands ”you should have seen his face, Steve, he was broken at the sight and not just at the sight of him but at my secrets, at my loyalty scattered by this, I…I… ” tears began to fall down my face, Steve subtly began to rub my back. ”Its for the best ” I sat up again as Steve just stared at me.

Steve looked into the street with a disapproving face ”he has such plans ” I interrupted him.

”Plans that shouldn involve me ” I pointed out ”you know, what he dreams of, what we dreamt is nothing but trouble ” I argued as my bus came strolling down the road, I stood slowly as Steves eyes follow me ”not in this world ” I turn to him ”promise me you will always protect him ” he nodded as I went towards the back, I blew him a kiss as I stepped onto the bus and he got up walked the opposite way.

The bus was silent as the men stood letting the women sit, as I leaned my head against the window as an old lady came to sit next to me, she smiled at me and handed me a handkerchief which made me realise I was crying:

”Things always get better ” she whispered as I sat against the seat wiping my tears away.

Agent korrupt

heute Abend, Deine nächste Mission.

kein Fehler oder es ist den Kopf

Hailed Hydra

The words brought back flashbacks that fused a headache in my mind, I leaned my head down as the paper burst into flames and the ashes fell before me, my mind into a blank space of forgotten memories, faded dreams and bucky bright blue eyes until the steam from the pot whistle, I turned out of frights towards it as the lid began to rattle as the oatmeal began to bubble; I grabbed the lid as Steve suddenly walked into the kitchen:

”Rogers? ” I whispered as my eyes caught the blood on his lip and eyes ”sit ” is all I said as I went to get some warm water, ointments, cloth and bandage. ”Can you run away… just once ” I grumbled as I came back into the kitchen where Steve sat in the little chair and table by the window.

But this time a tall soldier stood in the middle of the kitchen, he turned towards me and my heart stopped in my chest, those soft lips curved into the pure pout with his hat slightly off on his head which gave that rebellious look he always held and that brown suit that didn fit those beautiful eyes, he stepped forward which made me freeze in place; I lifted my hand to touch the brass buttons with heartbreak, imagining blood scattered on it and I stepped away from him, rushing towards the Steve.

”Where were you from this time? ” I asked as Bucky passed the paper towards me I looked over the paper ”Jersey? Really? ” I threw it on the table with a huff as I began to fix Steve up as Bucky stood watching us. ”So did you get your orders? ” I whispered as I stared Steve down for not telling me.

I felt Buckys eyes on me ”are you? ” I looked up at him ”The one-o-seventh. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow. ” He whispered as he stared down at me.

I nodded ”sounds about right ” I stood up after I cleaned him up, Steve looked good as new. ”Are you staying for dinner? ” I rushed over to the oatmeal as Bucky stepped forward.

”No ” Steve smiled to ease off the tension ”Apparently we have dates tonight, exciting huh? ” He gushed

”Can we talk for a moment? ” Bucky pleaded as I ignored him.

I turned to Steve who stood and left without a word, I turned back to the stove, and I let my head fall as Bucky placed his hands on either side of me ”the army ” I whispered.

Bucky exhaled soundly behind me, his breath fanning my neck ”couldn go back to normal after that night, Tam, we trust each other with everything and now this… ” he stepped away to lean against the counter. ”I know that it seems like the world doesn care, that I shouldn care but you are my everything, you are my heart and I would do anything for you ” he expressed as I turned to look at him.

”But the army…this is not just about a job, this is your life…this is war…what if… ” I took a step back in my mind ”you know I thought that you were mad at me, vengeance and all but… ” Tears came to my eyes ”are you doing this for me? ” I whispered so softly, that I didn think he heard me.

He stepped with his hand reaching out ”all I do is for you ” he whispered as a gasp pulled from my lung and got caught in my throat. ”For your father, for us, for Paris, even if it means going into hell to snatch from the hands of the devil ” I shook my head as Bucky drew nearer.

”Paris, Paris ” I kept mumbling under my breath. ”Paris was never going to happen ” I suddenly got this urge to show him what I meant, to show him pain, to make him leave, to make it easier ”Paris was just a dream, it was a beautiful dream but its just that, a beautiful figment of our imagination ” His eyes darkened.

He approached me ”Don ” he warned as he knew I was shutting him out.

I let out a humourless laugh ”its been three years… ” I was interrupted by him.

”Yes, three years of love, heartbreak and struggle toward a dream, towards our dream ” he argued as I stepped forward.

”Dreams, I don get to dream ” I fell into the nearest chair defeated ”the moment I opened my eyes in this world I was systematically placed into a period ” I explained with my hands ”thats all I have but you, you will have it all, you will return as a war hero because you are Sergeant James Barnes, you meet a beautiful young girl, with bright blue, porcelain-white skin and golden blonde hair, you will marry, of course, and have a few kids because…Bucky the American dream is for you, not me, ” I said as Bucky kneeled before me with those eyes, bright with tears. ”You won even remember my name ” I looked into his eyes as he grabbed my hands.

”Tam, I will never in my life forget you ” he whispered as I knew I had to let him go, even if it was harshly

”Don you have a date ” I whispered and I saw the colour drain from his face, I know it was a low blow but it was the only way to get him to leave without me, to forget about me; he stood up, giving me a dark look before moving towards the front door and left silently without a word.

I sat there in my shame as the tears began to pour down my face, a dry heaving entered my throat as I laid my head on the kitchen table in the heat of my tears I began to think back:

It was a hot day in Brooklyn as I busted tables at a busy diner, I moved between the tables like a hot knife, nothing stops my stride until I came to a table of a specific blue-eyed boy, his head was in the newspaper as his brown hair his feathered this forehead, not quite long enough to cover his eyes and he had this pout on his lips which never changed until his eyes found mine:

”Good morning, mister, what can I get you? ” I asked with a patient smile I give to any customer that comes in.

He smirks with mischief behind his eyes, he grabbed the menu and looked through it ”I will have a cup of that smile ” he smirked at me as I rolled my eyes.

”We just ran out of that this morning, can you do anything else? ” I said with my hip cocked and my notepad waiting to write.

He nodded softly ”a kiss, will do? ” He looked up to me with a smirk as he crossed his fingers, I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away with his eyes on my back.

The diner had closed and the street light glowed against the night as I slowly made my way home, walking down the city street wasn the safest thing to do but I knew I was fine or at least I thought I was. Four young men leaned against a wall watching me as smoke swirled around them, I ignored their presence as I passed, they grew silent as I walked by, holding my breath as if it would make me invisible but it didn work because as soon as I passed they began to follow me silently with smoke creeping after me; I kept my head low, my footing firm and my powers just on the brim:

”Hey pretty, ” one of them said, I didn look back, not to match their eyes, not to encourage…

”You out here alone, we wouldn want something to happen, ” another said with a sneer in his voice ”

”Hey, we are just being nice, why don we have some fun? ” Another one said as the vomit crawled into my throat.

”Yea, just some fun, you, me and the guys ” the first mentioned and with all my might, I ignored them but their footsteps were getting closer and closer. ”We don mind the skin ” made me hesitate but I kept on my straight path, in the streets, avoiding the short through the alleys for public safety, well I hope it was.

I quickened my step ”hey!! black whore!!! We are talking to you ” he shouted as I was shocked at the sudden aggressiveness ”Hey Nigga ” he shouted once more ”remember your place ” I don know why but those words made me stop, was it fear of their privilege, humiliation of that word, that phrase or was it the choice to rid the world of it ”now turn around and let us see what you have to offer ” I stood dead still, not moving an inch ”hey, I am talking to you, do you don understand ” he grabbed my back, fingers digging into my skin as I stepped forward ripping the blouse, he then grabbed my neck and shovelled me into the nearest alleyway, pushing me into a wall causing me to cut open my lip, he spun me around and push against the wall as I felt my head bang against the hard brick.

His sicken blues eye, dry blonde hair and gaping mouth stared at me, his eyes look my torn blouse and a toothy grin darkened his face ”mmm…look boys ” he turned to the other men ”someone is excited ” he suddenly leaned firmly against me, I whimpered in pain until I felt a sharp object against my throat, sweat ran down my back and headache form in the middle of my scalp ”be quiet, no fighting and maybe you will enjoy this ” he smirks as I formed a pure aura of hatred within my mind and as I was about to unleash it, this weight was pulled off me, all I saw was a brown hair, leather jacket beating the man who held me against while the other three were already knocked out on the ground.

I watched the stranger from the diner punching the blonde guy which made me turn and place my hands on my chest to cover up ”are you ok? ” I heard his gruff voice behind me.

I turned slowly as he took in my bruised cut lip, the torn blouse and the frightened look on my face ”I am fine ” I whispered as I felt his jacket coat my arms, the scent of his soap, coffee and his Cologne past my nose as he slowly back away, I slowed down my healing factor so its unnoticed.

He shovelled his hands into his pocket ”lets get you patched up ” he mentioned before just walking off as I stood there unmoved just staring at him ”come on ” he turned around as I cocked my hip and just stared at him ”what? Are you scared? ” He teased as I crossed my arms.

”You want me, a woman who got attacked by four men to go home with you, a man? ” I asked as he just smiled that cute smile until he realised I wasn joking

”It doesn sound safe, does it? ” He asked, looking into space for a moment ”but you see, doll, my mama raised me right, I couldn leave a woman standing in the streets with a possible concussion and a busted lip that will be bruised if we don put on ice it ” he explained as I just turned around which only cause pain to bounce into the back of my head and a sense of drowning clouded my throat, I began to fall but I captured easily but him. ”Come on, doll, lets get you safe ” he suddenly picked me up bridal style and whisked me away.


We came to an apartment building to which the stranger placed me on my feet, he turned me towards him ”think you can climb the fire escape? ” He asked as I nodded slowly, he jumped towards the ladder, and grabbed it before pulling it down, he stood before me as the ladder came clanging down while he stared down at me and I turned away, hoping he didn notice the blush on my cheeks and nose. ”You first, ” he said as I slowly began to climb.

I looked down at him ”don look ” I whispered knowing I always wear shorts under my skirt.

He chuckled ”I have seen it all before ” he mentioned as I shook my head.

Began climbing faster up ”well, you haven seen mine, ” I said as I got a laugh in response.

The only sound that could be heard was our footsteps against metal stairs as we climbed the fire escape, passing by windows of apartments with families, young couples and elderly people enjoying the evening night, we didn go too far up when he pulled open a window and helped me into it:

A familiar voice called out ”you know we have doors, use it ” he stopped as we walked in, there stood Mr Roger in a tank top and a pair of briefs ”Tamara ” he said as I smiled, realising how rough I must look. ”Are you ok? ” He asked as he pulled me to the couch.

The Stranger cleared his throat ”you two know each other? ” He leaned against the couch, the room was bare except for a couch, two armchairs and a tv in the corner.

”Mr Roger and I met at the diner, he ordered twice his weight in food ” I smiled at the man I spilt my emotional baggage on. ”Wait, he is the womaniser roommate? ” I asked as the stranger looked at Steve with big eyes.

”I might have mentioned your affairs ” Steve stood to his feet and scattered away ”Ill just get the first aid kit ” he whispered.

We sat in silence for a moment as he just stared at me, I realised the consciousness of following this stranger home, a man I have never met yet something drew me to him and something does, I have to follow:

”Now that you know my whole dating history, its only fair that I know yours ” he moved to sit next to me as I looked at my fingers.

I cleared my throat ”thats a forward, Mister, I don even know your name ” I whispered as I looked up at him.

He chuckled as I watched his eyes sparkle in the dimly lit living room ”well, I didn have much of a choice really ” I rolled my eyes at his statement ”but I would love to know yours ”

I shook my head and looked out of the window, towards the apartment that stood just across the road ”Tamara Johnson ” I turned back to him ”and you? Sir ” I asked as we just stared at each other.

He presented his hand to me ”James Barnes but everyone calls me Bucky, Tamara Johnson ” my name rolled off his tongue and through his lips, like honey, even the little smile at the end of it seemed like he was hiding a sweet secret.

Steve appeared again interrupting the staring contest James and I were cooking up ”Tam, the kitchen has better lighting ” he said as James stood, taking the first aid kit from Steves hands then grabbing mine and pulling me towards the small pale yellow kitchen.

I looked down at the leather jacket and then turned to Steve ”May I borrow a Shirt or something ” I asked as James answered.

”In the basket, get one of my shirts ” he whispered as he prepared the cotton, bandaids and anything else needed, Steve nodded and wandered off, James suddenly turned towards me, grabbing my waist and lifting me onto a nearby table where two chairs stood under a window, I gasped at his suddenness but was confronted by those blue eyes that kept himself stationed between my legs, his eyes on my lip. ”Does it hurt? ” He asked as I shook my head, my adrenaline was running, and I felt nothing.

”I feel nothing, ” I whispered as James nodded slowly.

”Your adrenaline is running, you will feel it tomorrow ” he whispered as he dipped the cotton ball into the strong-smelling liquid when Steve placed a t-shirt, boxers and a pair of socks on the table, accompanied by a glass of water and an aspirin.

”I was thinking you should stay the night, with a head injury like that ” he looked at the dried blood staining my hair. ”I am worried about a concussion ” he answered as James stared at me to answer.

I struggled for a bit before hammering out ”I couldn , I will be missed ” I mentioned but Steve shook his head frantically.

”Your father works the gas station at nights, stay, you can sleep in Buckys room ” Steve suggested as I struggled once more ”it has a lock ” he mentioned as I nodded silently under Jamess glazes.

He murmured in a deep growl ”this might hurt a bit ” he softly touched my torn lip with cotton balls, and the soft material caressed my lips before a sharp pain followed. ”Sorry ” he murmured as continued with an intense stare at me me me my cut.

Steve leaned against the counter ”so what happened? ” He asked as I looked at James who answered.

He growled as if playing the event over again in his mind ”she got jumped by four **ers in an alley, I was walking by when I saw it ” I watched Steve flinch at James choice of words.

He couldn contain himself ”language ” he whispered scratching the back of his head.

I smiled but the pain caught me in a sting ”but they were **ers ” I said as James cracked a smile.

”Shh ” he whispered ”don talk, ” he said as he applied a bandaid to my lip and then moved me so I was sitting sideways on the table and he had a clear view of my head.

I voiced up again ”they didn jump in the alleyway, they followed from the diner to an alleyway ” I cleared it up as James face moved to look at me.

His eyes hardened ”you willingly walked into an alley? ” He asked as I nodded.

”The alley is short cut ” I smiled as he shook his head like what I did was wrong.

Steve just exhaled with a sigh of relief ”I am just grateful Bucky found you in time, I don even want to think what would have happened next ” he expressed as my eyes darkened, I knew exactly what would have happened, I could see it on the newspaper now four boys gone missing.

I don know how long I was staring into space, replaying the incident in my mind and what wouldve happened if James didn show up, another nightmare to add to the list ”hey ” James deep rustic voice called out, ” you ok? ” He asked as I nodded slowly.

”Just tired ” I smiled sleepily as he moved towards me, grabbing me and placing me on the kitchen floor. He moved away like he didn want to, he gently gave me the t-shirt that sat on the table before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his room ”where is Steve? ” I asked as I looked around the rooms we passed going toward his.

”He went to bed, he felt out of place ” James brushed it off like it was normal.

”Why? ” I asked as we stopped at the door.

”You were out in space and I couldn help but stare, you have a very expressive face ” he whispered as he open the door to an almost empty bedroom, with a bed, closet, cardboard, and a few pictures on the wall and books on the side table.

I stared at the humble room with a bit of jealousy, I mean I would be jealous of anything person who had their room, I turned towards him to find him placing a part of shorts that were in a silky fabric, It looked like one of those boxing short men used in the ring, he then moved towards the door:

He showed me the keys that hung from the keyhole ”here are the keys, if you need to use the bathroom, its the door to the right and Steves bedroom is to the left ” I nodded as he stared at me for a moment before turning around to leave.

”Thank you ” I whispered as he stopped, nodded then kept walking.

I don know how long I laid in the bed, smelling his scent which smelt like balsam, sweat and a type of musk I couldn recognise just smelt manly, I couldn sleep, not because of the smell, this smell could lull me into a peaceful sleep, not because of the two strange men who shared a room next door but this sense of repeating the event that took place earlier, what if James didn interfere, I didn want to think about what will happen next.

A soft knock sounded at the door, I thought I imagining the sound but it came again, I moved to look at the door and a piece of paper slipped under the door along with it was another knock, I pulled myself from the bed and moved to the door, picking up the paper:

You up for a bit of cocoa? ”

It asked I let out a little giggle before moving to the side table where a pencil sat, I picked it up and wrote:

I don like cocoa I pushed the paperback under the door.

”What kind of person doesn like hot cocoa? ” I heard a growl of a voice sound from the other side of the door, I unlocked the door to find him staring at my note.

”It makes me sick, ” I said as he stared for a moment, his eyes dilated and glistened under the kitchen light. ”What? ” I whimpered but he shook his head and steered towards the kitchen, I followed him silently.

The kettle whistled as we sat at the table by the window, I stared at the apartment building across the way when James placed a cup before me with the sweet scent of tea waffling up into my nose, I wrapped my fingers around the comfort and looked up at him staring back at me:

”I thought you wouldn be able to sleep, especially with all that happened, ” he said as he pulled the hot cocoa closer to himself.

”Yea, its been a long night ” I expressed as I stretched my arms, awkward silence deceased upon us ”so, you are a boxer? ” I asked, playing with the silk fabric

of the shorts.

”Oh, yea ” he nodded as if the whole conversation would make him shy ”Yea, I am a boxer at the YMCA, I won my first championship ” after the words flew from his mouth he brought them back with a bit of hesitation ”I…umm…I try to get Steve into it but he doesn fight unless there is a reason ” he explained as I nodded sipping my sweet tea ”so how long have you known Steve? ” He asked cautiously.

I sat thoughtfully for a moment ”weve known each other for more than a year now, he got me the job at the diner, I used to clean lecture rooms ” I explained as he nodded softly deep in thought.

”How is it now? ” He asked as if my pathetic life was the greatest thing in the world.

”To be honest, better ” I nodded slowly ”at least I have a name now ” I explained as he frowned softly.

He was dumbfounded for a moment before pressing on ”What would you have liked to do? ” He asked, the light shone in his eyes and I knew, he was a dreamer, most of them are.

”I wanted to be a dressmaker like my aunt ” I expressed, staring dreamily into the night sky ”she had this little shop, on the corner of a busy street in Queens ” I explained ”it was filled to the brim with fabric, mannequins, thread, sharp scissors and beads of every colour ” I could picture the scene in my head ”you couldn even see the floor…she would sit and draw and sew, embroidery every bead in its place, women would come from all walks of life to that dusty old store in Queens ” I realised I had opened a case I didn want to explore.

He smiled at my openness and the passion that sparkled in my eyes ”thats amazing, does she still own that store? ” He asked as I pulled the tea to my lips.

”No ” the word felt like an omen in the air ”she died at thirty-nine, too young in my opinion, ” I said, wanting him to see I don like opening up, even if he did it so easily, I must be losing my mind or maybe its the head injury my body was paining to cure.

”Oh, ” he whimpered as I stare at his saddened expression ”what happened? ” He asked softly.

”She was killed by her husband, shot in the chest ” I expressed with a lack of emotions.

”Im sorry ” he expressed, the look in his eyes was evident enough that he was hurt to hear it.

I felt a sense of ill intent settle in my chest ”you shouldn apologise, you didn pull the trigger ” I expressed as his eyes switched to my words.

He smiled with hope filtering his eyes ”but its still a good dream ” he conveyed sipping his hot drink.

”It is good but its just a dream ” I smiled

”But what if it wasn … ”


My eyes adjusted to the darkness surrounding me, I closed them trying to hold onto that memory but I couldn . Suddenly an ill feeling settled in my gut and I realized what time it was, I stood rapidly and rushed about the house, making sure food was ready for Pa, and that the medicine stood ready to be swallowed with a glass of water, I braided my hair into a french braid, grabbed my holsters that held my heavy loaded guns, daggers and whatever needed for this mission; I slipped on my leather pant, jacket and boot, making my way to the door.

I pushed it open before looking back at the small empty apartment, hoping I see it again.

I walked down alleyways avoiding any sigh of the public but I knew he future show would grab their attention, so I could slip through the cracks without suspicion, I came to a darkened alleyway where a slick black limo sat, waiting like a predator in the night, I moved closer ignoring the sickening feeling every time I see that smug machine. I slipped into the back seat, a man sat in the leather seat car with a shadow nicely positioned to cover half of his face:

”Good evening ” his voice with German ancestry as I nodded softly ”your mission will be stated after you sleep, now just accept it ”

A needle was pulled into my neck as I closed my eyes, welcoming the sweet comfort of darkness.


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